Lessons from A 50yo. Home-5. Empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another- And I reckon empathy is the key to real connection. 

American researcher and storyteller Brene Brown describes connection as “the energy between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they give and receive without judgment, and when they derive strength from the relationship.”

Based on this analogy, it stands to good reason that the way we design and build our homes has the power to encourage or hinder how we see and hear one another. No one can feel seen if they’re locked away behind a closed door, and no one can feel heard if they’re isolated in a well-insulated room.

It reminds me of the saying “If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?” Well, if no one sees the swollen red eyes or hears the cries for help, do those cries still exist? Of course, the answer is yes- But without an empathetic intervention, those moments go unnoticed.

One thing my parents’ 50-year-old home did so well was reduce the opportunity to hide or isolate. If someone was upset, they couldn’t journey to their room without passing another family member. And when something was off, we stepped in. We practised empathy, ensuring we all felt seen, heard, and valued.

I vividly recall dragging my feet down the hallway, eyes welling with tears. My brother Adam stopped me and asked what was wrong. After some coaxing, I admitted I’d been picked for the school cricket team but couldn’t bowl. He punched me on the arm, declaring that I was in the presence of one of the greatest bowlers of all time (himself, of course). We went out front, and I got a crash course in bowling. Over something so small, I felt seen, heard, and valued. And I reckon he did too.

Countless moments like this filled our home. Times when empathy brought us together, whether receiving it or offering it. 

Empathy isn’t practised as much today, but I believe it’s the linchpin for genuine connection and one of the most valuable life skills we can acquire.

With rising construction costs and the high cost of living, it’s easy to feel like the dream of a big new home or expansive renovation is slipping away. But maybe, just maybe, it presents us an opportunity to build smarter—to create homes of ‘enough-ness’ rather than more, bigger, and better.

From a place of deep love, we want to give our families the best. But when it comes to our homes, I proposed that giving less space and fewer amenities is actually giving more—in terms of life skills and fostering genuine connection.

Which is more important to you? I know which is more important to me.

 

PS. Are you dreaming of a new home that not only looks amazing, but is warm and comfortable to live in and facilitates close connection?  Okay- We are talking the same language.  I have helped hundreds of families kick-off their dream for a new custom build or renovation- And I would love to help you too!  Book a ‘Breakthrough Call’ and let’s start taking control of your project today.

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Lessons from A 50yo. Home-4. Patience